Tuesday, April 29, 2014


Today Audrey has been officially discharged from OT and the home nurse/supplies provider! They are picking up the pump tomorrow and I've never been so happy to get rid of anything in my life! She has been tube-free for about a month now!. Her growth is still a concern as she isn't gaining in height or weight as much as they "would like to see," but her growth hormone levels are normal.

There's been so many times that it seemed like this day would never come. It has been a very difficult winter for us, seeing all the healthy kids around and on facebook. We tried so hard to do everything "right," researching all our decisions and choosing options that were evidence based. It has been a humbling journey for sure. But I don't feel an overwhelming sense of guilt like I did during her first hospitalization. There was something wrong and no matter what decisions we made she would have had problems.

In a way, I'm grateful for this journey that has taught me so much. Of course I wish none of this had ever happened, but since it did I'm glad I was able to learn and grow. For one thing, I am definitely grateful for modern medicine now in a way that I wasn't before. Although I still think natural is best, especially when it comes to babies and birth, I don't know that Audrey would still be earthside if it wasn't for her medical treatment during her first hospitalization and her kidney surgery.

I also learned to practice what I preach. Part of the reason I chose homebirth was because I really didn't want to be advocating for myself during birth. I wanted a care provider who would be on the same page as me and who I could trust wouldn't impose unnecessary interventions. But I always told others that if they chose a hospital birth they would need to become their own advocates and push for alternative options to be available to them. This sounds simple but can be incredibly hard! Especially when they play the "dead baby" card and imply that if you make a choice that is not what they've suggested, your child will not recover. I'm still in the midst of advocating for Audrey as her pediatrician is not happy we have discontinued the tube feeding and is concerned she's not gaining weight. Being your own advocate and taking responsibility for you and your child involves a lot of time researching the options, trusting your intuition, and even switching care providers to someone who is willing to work with you on what you find important. After all, they work for you!

It's so incredible now to sit down to a meal and watch her eat! She's like a typical toddler, sometimes not eating much and other times eating a lot! She really loves cheese, cereal bars, strawberries, and chocolate :) She also nurses quite a bit during the day, which I'm so happy about! Comfort nursing and nursing when she's hungry or thirsty. In short, she's acting just like a normal 17 month old. So amazing consider where she was a few short months ago.

Even though Audrey's journey through medical issues seems to be coming to an end (hopefully!!) I'm going to continue posting my thoughts on life, birth, and everything in between. :) No need to stick around unless you feel like it!

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