2) Have your friend constantly ask the neighbors if they are moving so she can inform you immediately about any new houses that may or may not be up for sale in the next few weeks or years.
3) Convince your husband that he really does want to mow a lawn, shovel snow, and live in a less desirable city than you currently do. This may require a bribe of beer, steak, and lobster.
4) Contact a real estate agent. They will show up unannounced at the potential house and ask "Hey, are you selling your house? I have someone who wants to buy it! Oh, but they want to poke around inside first!"
5) Get a pre-approval letter for financing from your bank. Unfortunately, most sellers will not take a loud, brown dog in place of actual money.
6) Go to an unofficial showing of the potential house. Fall in love with it and loudly declare to your skeptical husband that if you don't get this house that is across the street from your best friend, you will die of a broken heart.
7) Put an offer on the house, which they will immediately decline because it is contingent on the sale of your townhouse. Fall into a deep, devastating depression while your husband is furious that they dared to refuse your offer.
8) Convince your husband that he really does want to buy this house. In fact, he wants to buy it so much that he should sell your current house first so then you can come back to the sellers with an offer that is not contingent. Remind him that even if this plan doesn't work out, as a former case manager he knows all the best homeless shelters in the area.
9) Have your parents coincidentally visit during this time so they can help you paint, fix things, and get your house ready to show. This is actually the ideal vacation during the retirement years!
10) Your realtor will then call you with a last minute, unofficial showing. You are on a timeline because the house you want will be going live on the MLS in a few days. You are hoping to get it before that. since it's a seller's market. Put the kids in front of the TV while you and your mom dash around like mice on caffeine to clean and stage the house.
The correct way to stage your house.
The incorrect way.
11) Do the same thing the next day for another unofficial showing and the photographer. Make sure to bring your dog with you when you leave since he will bark ferociously otherwise. Look online for restaurants with a patio that allows dogs since it's already past dinnertime and everyone is starving and crabby. Drive all the way to the restaurant and be told that no, they in fact do not allow dogs. Repeat with another restaurant. Amidst the screaming and crying, give up and get fast food for the third day in a row.
12) Sell your house after only two showings the morning before it officially goes live on the MLS. Now you have about two business days before the house you want goes live. Send in your new offer and pray, pray, pray. Chocolate, wine, and binge watching season six of Orange is the New Black will help during this step.
13) Hear back after a few very strained days that.... You Got the House!!
14) Feel relieved and excited! Everything is working out and all the stress is gone!
15) Inspection and appraisal on both houses, solidify your financing, get boxes, get rid of stuff you don't want and be thankful that you've already done most of that since becoming a minimalist, pack, rent the moving truck, make arrangements for your dog and children during the move, get friends and family to help you move, change your utilities, change your address, prepare your children emotionally for the move, cry about leaving the house your girls were born in, what happened to no more stress??
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