"What Do You Do All Day???" In 30 Pictures

7:13 am: Hope the baby will fall back asleep after nursing

7:38 am: No such luck. Time for Plan B - Coffee and Facebook

7:47 am: Making breakfast while Audrey tells me about her crazy dream
(it was funny, but I can't remember it now)

8:28 am: Making beaded jewelry
(not pictured-trying to get the dog to wear a necklace)

8:32 am: Deidre gets into the art supplies

8:45 am: The bane of my existence

9:12: Audrey getting in the way helping me bring the laundry downstairs

9:14 am: Deidre immediately wants in the laundry basket too and tries to shove Audrey out

9:17 am: Toddler Tantrum Instant Fix #1
(Bonus points if you knew right away what Deidre is doing)

9:47 am:  Toddler Tantrum Instant Fix #2

10:30 am: Dog Tantrum Instant Fix

11:20 am: Mom Mini Nap

12:08: Lunch tastes better if you try to climb on it

12:12: She ate all my tomatoes...

12:49 pm: The love of Audrey's life

12:57 pm: Sleepy snuggles and Netflix

2:41 pm: Story time

2:42 pm: Read it again

2:48 pm: Book #8

2:49 pm: Quite the character

3:00 pm: Legos

3:00 pm: Homeschool

3:30 pm: Snack

3:45 pm: Clean Laundry Ride

4:05 pm: Helping me make Audrey's bed 

(Bonus points if you can decipher our sleeping arrangements. Hint: there are actually 3 beds.)

4:12 pm: Milk is better when you can wiggle your butt in the air

4:32 pm: You've never really lived until you've worn a baby while cooking. 

It's hard to tell but she's in a ring sling.

4:39 pm: Instant Pot meatloaf and mashed potatoes 

https://iwashyoudry.com/instant-pot-meatloaf-mashed-potatoes/

5:01 pm: Dancing Queen

In case you didn't notice, there are some gaps in my day. I've blacked out any memory of that time, but I assume the following took place: changing diapers, letting the dog out to potty, getting everyone dressed, putting snow gear on everyone, cleaning up after meals, picking up toys, multiple conversations with Audrey, a few other homeschool activities, switching over the laundry, putting away the laundry, and the rest of the day after Ryan got home from work. I was tired of taking pictures figured you had seen enough.

"A-a-aye, I'm on vacation

Every single day 'cause I love my occupation"

The Process of Purging

I love getting rid of stuff. If I could, I would rent a dumpster and just chuck All.The.Things. into it, laughing manically while the Imperial March plays in the background. But alas, I do live with other people who have these inconvenient attachments to their stuff. And I suppose I might miss some of my favorites too.

So that leaves the question of, how do you figure out what to keep and what to toss when getting into minimalism? There are many different methods. Some experts suggest you go room to room. Others say this is ineffective because people typically have one category of stuff in more than one place in the house. So they advise to gather up all the things from a category, such as books, pile them in the middle of the floor, and sort from there. I find this fairly impractical to do with small children and limited chunks of time available though. So I do my own method, which summed down is basically: Start sorting through things. Get interrupted 47,808 times. Try to keep sorting until you have to nurse the baby/make dinner/take out paint for the preschooler. Stop but come back to it later. ALWAYS come back to it later!

This is not me. But it is an accurate representation of my average day.

And that is the really the key to any method. Perseverance. It has taken me over a year and I still don't quite consider myself to be "done." Which may be in part to my random, personalized method but it has worked. We have so much less stuff now and the things we do have, we really love or we really use.

Ryan started 6 months ago and just today he decided to get rid of his vintage gaming consoles that he never plays. It took him awhile to be ready to part with it. And that's pointer number two: you will make second and third passes. What you once thought you could never, ever bear to part with you may eventually gladly place in the donate pile. Sometimes it takes us awhile to be mentally and emotionally ready to part with things. And that is okay, it's all part of the process. Minimalism isn't a competition to see who can get rid of the most stuff the fastest, but a very personal journey which will leave you with the things you most love and use.

When I first started on this journey I initially thought I was only going to go through the baby stuff. I thought I liked having a lot of books and clothes to choose from. But then I realized that having a bunch of just okay stuff really took away my enjoyment of the things I loved. My absolute favorites. And I realized that I didn't even really like a lot of those clothes and books. They were just something to keep around until I got something better. So I asked myself, If I didn't currently own this item, would I want to go out today and buy it? A lot of the time I would say no. No to the books I read once years ago but didn't really want to read again. No to the clothes from thrift stores that were cheap but out of style. Yes to my collection of Tracy Chevalier novels. Yes to the skinny jeans that fit me just right.

Aren't they beautiful? Someday I want them all in hardcover.

Some things I didn't really want anymore but I didn't want to just donate it either. Such as outdated childbirth education materials and my old horseback riding equipment. So I found people who would use it. Even though it was more inconvenient for me to get rid of them that way, I felt better about it. Most things just went to the thrift store. Unless you think you can make a lot of money or you want to pass it onto someone who will certainly appreciate it, it's usually not worth the time and headache to try and sell your stuff.

One of the hardest things to sort through has been the girls' toys. Deidre doesn't know or care if we get rid of something but Audrey is very attached to all her things. This makes for a difficult situation, especially as we have a "small" house of 1440 sq ft and very generous family members whose love language is gift giving. I regularly go through the toys and put aside anything she hasn't touched in awhile. If she doesn't ask about it for a few months, it goes. We also talk about going through things whenever she sees us doing that. One of our family values is: We only keep what we most love. If we're not using it, we need to give it to someone who will use it.

We also do a toy rotation which allows for more toys to be kept but saves me the headache of having a million toys to clean up every day. Because that's the thing: the more toys we have, the more I have to put them away. The more stuff you have, the more you have to take care of. Less stuff = less work for me and more time spent doing things I enjoy.

One of the many things I enjoy

I've noticed we're much more conscious of what we bring into the house too. It's not always easy to come home without buying something extra but it's not worth the wasted money and space in our house. The other day I went to Target and I had a very short list of what I needed. New jeans because my old ones tore in the knee, epsom salt, and dog food. I did look through the dollar and clothes clearance section for fun and I did find things that I wanted but I stopped and asked myself "Do I really need any of this stuff?" The answer was clearly no, so I focused on enjoying the browsing and I went to the check out with only the items on my list. People think that children are impulsive and have no self control, but adults are often not that much better.

Instead of spending money on unnecessary dollar items or clothing, I would rather spend it on horseback riding lessons or travel. I would rather have awesome life experiences than a house full of stuff. Everyone is different, of course, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying material things but I am glad to have discovered the joy of minimalism at this point in my life. It has, and continues to be, a beautiful thing.

My Journey into Minimalism

I have always enjoyed getting rid of things. I would go through the house, usually once a year after Christmas, and toss a few things in a paper bag to bring to Goodwill. Since our family's four birthdays run from October to December by the time January comes around I am feeling very overwhelmed with material items. This annual purging always gave me a sense of lightness and relief. But I never thought I would become a "minimalist" in the trendy, millennial sense of the word. Even though I had a walk in closet bulging with clothes, my daughter's toys were spilling out of the toy room, and my kitchen cupboards were filled with things I didn't use often, if ever. I thought that I liked all the clothes for variety, my daughter would be able to stay occupied more easily if she had lots of toys, and I might use those kitchen tools one day.

Isn't this what minimalism looks like? Boring white walls, uncomfortable furniture, and definitely not kid friendly.

Then I had my second daughter. My pregnancy and birth was amazing, beautiful, and soul feeding. (If you're curious to read my birth story or posts on pregnancy and postpartum those are right below this post.) But as I lay tucked into bed with my newborn during my postpartum baby moon I felt this nagging sense of anxiety that crept into the edges of my happiness. It was hard for me to push away. Even from the bedroom, the house felt too full. Not with people but with stuff. There were several large boxes of maternity clothes and baby clothes in the walk in closet that had been there for months. My home birth supplies sat in a corner of the room. My daughter's plethora of toys, which had only grown recently when she had her fourth birthday, were scattered around the room. Gifts for me and our new baby were sitting on the dresser. It was hard for me, a neat person by nature, to ignore the mess and concentrate on resting and nursing the baby.

Some of this chaotic mess may be inevitable with a new baby and a woman who greatly values the under appreciated art of rest in the postpartum time. But I knew something had to give when I got up from that bed a few weeks later. My husband was in his final year of his master's degree and would be gone from the house six days a week for his full time job and internship, plus homework in the evenings. My good friend told me about how she had started to get into minimalism. I knew a few other people who had done that but I didn't know how feasible it would be with a husband who had a lot of trouble letting go of things and two young children. She suggested we watch the documentary Minimalism. We did and our perspective totally changed.

The documentary doesn't focus so much on the how to's of minimalism but more the philosophy behind it. After watching it we had a long discussion about this minimalism concept and how we could adopt it. 

For us it came down to: what would we really miss if there was a fire and our house burned up? Would we miss all those hand me down knickknacks? The books we kind of liked but hadn't read in years? The extra stuff we kept in the closet "just in case?" 

Or maybe, our life would be better, richer, more full of meaning and less stressful if we pared down the excess and kept only what was truly useful, meaningful, or beautiful to us?

We prioritize what we value most and remove everything else that distracts us from it. 

We started our minimalism journey in ways typical to us. Ryan dumped a bunch of his stuff into boxes for Goodwill. I watched more documentaries and read several books. I definitely don't recommend starting minimalism when you have a newborn, a preschooler, and are in the final year of your master's program! But I knew this was going to be a journey and not a race. I would go through things gradually and have probably taken over ten trips to Goodwill with the van full of stuff. We've been purging things for about nine months now and we're still not "done!" I don't know if we'll ever be "done" though. Again, the whole journey thing.

This was actually a trip to my friend's house for a garage sale, but you get the idea

Another important aspect of our minimalism journey is the prioritizing of how we spend our time and what we focus on. I've realized that I would really love to take horseback riding lessons again. Horses were my whole life during my much of my childhood. At one point I thought I wanted to become a professional rider. Although I don't think that will happen I do want to get back into that passion. So for my birthday and Christmas I am going to ask for money for riding lessons instead of material items that I don't want or need.

We've probably gotten rid of about half of our material items at this point. And it feels great! In my next post I will talk about how we did this: my thought process while going through things and how I figure out what to keep or what to toss.

Lying In: A Traditional Postpartum BabyMoon

Ahhh, is there anything better than snuggling skin to skin with your newborn in an oxytocin soaked state while others wait upon you and do all the monotonous daily tasks that keep a household running? I think not! If you're never experienced a traditional lying in (also called a baby moon) you are missing out! It's one of my favorite things about giving birth.

After my peaceful, unhindered births I enjoy all the lovely hormones that facilitate optimal bonding between mother and baby in my own environment with my own (very few) people. I settle in my own bed for days, only getting up to use the bathroom. Baby stays skin to skin with me, except for when she's being held by other family members, even at night. This can also enable a great start to breastfeeding. Both my babies had gained above their birth weight a few days after birth and my milk supply was plentiful. Vaginal birth, skin to skin, and breastfeeding are also three ways to help baby establish an optimal microbiome.

From the birth tub to the bed, and there I stay!

Sweet baby, skin to skin the following morning.

Ideally I like to stay in bed for about a week. Then I wander out to the living room couch for another week or so. After that I might venture downstairs or right outside to get some fresh air. It's usually a few weeks before baby and I even go in the car anywhere or take a walk. I wear pajamas or comfortable lounge clothes. My favorite is those flannel pajamas with the button down tops so baby and I can stay skin to skin but my arms stay warm.

I also took it easy after birth because I was healing a second degree tear without stitches (again). That meant: bed rest while keeping my legs together, soaking my bottom twice a day, frozen herbal compresses made by my midwife, and no stairs for a few weeks. Once again, I healed great and am very glad to not have had stitches!

Even if you aren't healing a tear, it's very important to rest as much as you can after birth and have others mother you. It's essential for optimal physical and emotional recovery after pregnancy and birth and also to adjust to the new family dynamics.

We expect way too much of women after they have a baby.

First postpartum days. Baby is skin to skin, I have my flannel pajamas on, and Audrey is keeping me company along with the stack of books on the shelf.

Daddy and his girls (Mommy was taking a shower). Baby moons are for partners and siblings too!

What do I do during all this time in bed? Watch movies, tv, read books, sleep, nurse the baby and change diapers, eat, play with Audrey (so much coloring and Sofia the First!) I really enjoyed the slower pace and all the time to rest and cuddle my family. I also had a few visitors but I am very picky about who I allow in during this special time. Our immediate family visited and a few of my close friends when they came to drop off meals. I love to post a lot of pictures on social media but prefer to keep my postpartum environment like my birth environment.

Birth is a very spiritual and sacred experience and that naturally carries over into the postpartum time.

One of my first meals from a wonderful friend, complete with a baby skin to skin and flannel pajamas.

A few weeks later, now I'm in the living room and baby has clothes on.

Ryan has been very fortunate in being able to take several weeks off for both girls. It was a bit more difficult after Deidre was born because he was also doing an internship for his master's program, so we hired a postpartum doula to help on those days. She was amazing and did laundry, meal prep, dishes, took care of Audrey, etc.

My awesome postpartum doula, Jessica!

After Ryan went back to work my mom, who is retired, came up from Florida. She stayed for two weeks and took over doing everything Ryan was doing: housework, errands, meals, taking care of Audrey and the dog, etc. I gradually started doing more and going out more at the end of her stay.

 My mom taking Audrey and the dog to run off some energy.

My favorite thing to eat during this baby moon was breakfast sandwiches I made and froze ahead of time and placenta smoothies! My friend Jody, who was Audrey's sibling doula at the birth, prepared my placenta for raw smoothies. She drained the blood, pureed it in the blender, and froze it in an ice cube tray. Ryan put one cube in each smoothie along with strawberries, banana, and juice. I tasted no placenta, just fruit. But I did crave those sandwiches and smoothies every day I woke up during the first week postpartum. Then my placenta was gone. And so were my cravings for them.

I ate all of this, except for the cord. Doesn't it look delicious?

After my mom left I felt pretty confident in resuming my usual tasks and taking care of two children. Here is a picture of a typical day when Deidre was young: babywearing in lounge clothes, hair in a messy ponytail, toys all over, Audrey painting at the table. Gotta love the #momlife

I know this kind of postpartum isn't possible for a lot of women. Especially if they don't have help from partners or extended family. But if there's any way you can take a traditional baby moon, do it! It's such a short, sweet time during your life. You won't regret it.

Thoughts on Turning 30

I turned 30 three weeks after Deidre was born. For many people, 30 is a big deal. It's when you start feeling more like a "real grown up" and less like a young, carefree "pretend grown up." Most millenials spend their 20's having fun, establishing careers, discovering who they are, and so on. This is the decade you're supposed to be out partying with your friends and not worrying too much about the future or being burdened by big responsibilities.

I never fit into that category of the "typical" millenial. I couldn't wait to grow up, move out of the house, graduate college, get married, and have babies. Ryan and I started dating when we were 17. A year later he gave me a promise ring and we told our parents we wanted to get married, eventually. Of course they didn't take us seriously - what 18 year old ends up marrying their high school sweetheart these days? But we knew. So we went to college, had some fun, but stayed together and committed. He proposed the summer before our senior year and we got married a few months after graduation when we were 22. I remember feeling done with the party scene early on in college. I just wanted to grow up, get married, and have babies. Oh, how I wanted those babies!

Ryan and I at 20

In college I even jokingly referred to my hormonal birth control as "happiness prevention." I knew it wasn't a good time to get pregnant but if it had happened despite birth control I would have been overjoyed. I was quite the anomaly of my generation and wanted to start trying for a baby only six months after getting married. This was common knowledge about me. In fact, Audrey and I were watching my wedding video recently and in my maid of honor's speech she talked about how "Stacey has wanted to be a mom since I've known her, so here is a few dollars to start your kids' college fund. She wants a lot of kids, so you'll need it!"

Well, we all know how that turned out. 2 years of waiting, countless hours of heartache and desperation, hundreds of dollars spent before being blessed with Audrey. Not the typical ending for a healthy young couple in their 20's.

And this brings me to my point. For most people, their 20's are a super fun, amazing time. For me they were a very difficult decade filled with heartache and hardship, although mixed with the wonderful blessings of two babies.

I sometimes wish I could go back in time and warn my former, very young and naive self: hey this is going to be really hard. You are in for quite an epic journey. And not only for this baby, but for the next baby. And the in between time will be so difficult too: your first baby will be very ill for months and you won't know why. And your husband will be getting his master's degree for 3 years which will be so stressful and difficult on everyone in the family. The years ahead are going to rip you apart and you'll question everything: life, your faith in God, your relationship with your husband. But you will come out the other side and be a new, stronger person. You will discover that you can do hard things. You will learn to depend on others. You will learn, truly, about the fragility of life and not ever take your children for granted. Ultimately, these experiences will make you a better mother, wife, and human being. Just like in birth, the journey is as important and essential as the destination.

Would I have still wanted to grow up so fast and have babies so young? Yes, I think so. The pull of my birth and my babies was so strong, and even now I already feel the pull of my future babies. When you've found your vocation it's not easy to push that aside and wait in order to experience life as society says you should. But when I look back at pictures of myself, I do feel sad for the young girl who had no clue what difficult journey lie ahead, and who was not at all prepared for so much so young.

I was relieved to put my 20's behind me. And although I know you can't escape all suffering in life, I do hope my 30's will have less hardships of such magnitude. But when life inevitably brings difficulties, I will look back and remember that I can do it.

The Birth of Deidre

This story begins a bit before labor. I had been worried about my baby's position through the end of pregnancy, mostly because Audrey was posterior and I had a long labor with her. This baby was also posterior most of the time, despite me doing many things to make more room for them to turn (daily spinning babies, rebozo, chiro webster technique, walking, sitting and lying so my belly was a 'hammock' for baby, etc.)

So I was pretty excited when my midwife confirmed at 39 weeks that baby was finally LOA (baby facing towards my spine with their back on my left side, an optimal position for birth). At this time I felt very ready for the baby to come whenever they were ready - I'm a big believer in letting the baby choose their birthday, no matter how long that takes.

Unfortunately at my 40 week prenatal baby had moved back into a posterior position. And not just any posterior position, but the most difficult one for a baby to be born in - direct posterior or OP. I was super bummed. My midwife could tell by palpation that my amniotic fluid levels were a little low as well, so she advised drinking a gallon of water a day. This would also give baby more room to turn.

The next evening I took pulsatilla, a homeopathic remedy that can encourage baby to move into an optimal position. I also had a third session with a massage therapist who specializes in prenatal bodywork and spinning babies techniques. And that night I listened to the Hypnobabies Turn Your Posterior Baby track while taking an epsom salt bath. Right before bed I noticed a small amount of bloody show which made me excited, but I also knew that didn't mean anything besides my cervix was changing.

The next morning at 3 am I woke up with mild but definite contractions. I was really excited so I had trouble going back to sleep but I managed to after a few hours. Ryan left for work early that day so I didn't have a chance to tell him but I was enjoying doing my thing and not letting anyone know yet. I knew that I could be in early labor for days (like with Audrey) or it could go away so I didn't want to tell people prematurely.

When I woke up I went about my day. I listened to the Hypnobabies Birth Day Affirmations track, which I really enjoyed. I did a load of laundry, picked up toys and cleaned a little, and even set up the birth tub in our bedroom. That was interesting to do while having contractions and dealing with a very excited Audrey who kept wanting to get into the tub with her baby dolls! Contractions were still fairly mild and varied from 10-20 min apart. I was continuing to have bloody show too. I thought about doing some spinning babies techniques, assuming baby was still posterior, but many of those require a helper so I thought I'd do them when Ryan came home from work.

Audrey was doing a fairly good job at waiting while I had a contraction. If she tried to talk to me or needed something I would tell her I was having a contraction and to wait a minute while I breathed through it. We had practiced this so she was familiar with it, but like any typical 3 year old she wasn't always able to wait. This was fine because they were so mild and far apart that I could deal with it for now.

We had some lunch and I let her watch tv while I napped. Balancing activity and rest are important during early labor. I was also staying hydrated (remember that gallon of water a day goal?). Ryan called right before I fell asleep and I told him what was going on. I told him to stay at work and I would update him later.

When I woke up I decided to take Audrey to the library because I knew she wouldn't get out of the house too much postpartum and thought it would be a good distraction for me. Contractions still varied from 10-20 min apart but some were getting stronger.

At the library I was very self conscious and was tempted to go hide in the corner when I had a contraction. I really didn't want people watching me, especially random strangers who probably have to idea about natural birth. I did my best to ignore the librarian shelving kids books and breathe through the contractions. They were definitely getting stronger and closer together now.

At 3:30 pm I decided I had enough and convinced Audrey it was time to go home. The library is only 5 minutes from our house but I did have a contraction at a red light. In hindsight I was probably in active labor at this point and should have stayed home! Ryan also called me to say that he was done with work early and was on his way home. I asked him to pick up dinner because I didn't feel like cooking even if I was still in early labor. He took forever to get home and I found out that he had stopped at the liquor store to buy my favorite wine.

He got home around 4:30 pm and convinced me to call the midwife to let her know. I felt like it was too early but agreed. My midwife advised me to rest for awhile and to start filling the birth tub. I kind of laughed at that, thinking it was way too early to start filling the tub! But since we use a tub that has a heater and cover I knew we could fill it and it could sit for quite awhile before being used.

It was a good thing Ryan started filling it then because I had forgotten to turn up our hot water heater so we kept running out of hot water! Ryan would fill it for awhile until the water ran cold and then turn it off to give the heater time to heat more water.

During this I was lying in bed, trying to rest between contractions and remembering when I did 3 nights of that during Audrey's labor. At 5 pm my water broke during a strong contraction, which took me by surprise. I called the midwife to let her know but I felt like it was still early. Contractions were getting pretty strong but were still about 10 minutes apart. I knew that things could go fast now though so I decided to call my friend, Jody, who was our sibling doula. I told her "I'm in labor. I think." My hesitation was because of my previous long labor: I didn't want her to come too early and have to be away from her kids for many hours. She said she would be on her way as soon as her babysitter arrived.

During this Ryan was trying to feed Audrey dinner, convince me to eat something, fill up the birth tub, and take care of other random things. Audrey was running all over excitedly, wanting to help Ryan with everything. It was getting difficult for me to relax through contractions now, even with the Hypnobabies Easy First Stage track on, and Audrey was distracting. I was starting to have a "poor me" attitude and wondering why I wanted to do this again. I was in the bedroom standing by the dresser and leaned over it when a contraction came. Ryan plugged in the Christmas lights I had strung up and I put on the birthing necklace made during my Mother Blessing.

Each woman that came to my Mother Blessing brought a bead or two that reminded them of me or birth. I wore this necklace through labor and birth.

I asked Ryan to call the midwife at 5:45 pm and debated over the phone about whether I wanted her to come over yet. Later she told me that she knew labor was going to go fast and she was really hoping I was ready for her to come! I decided to have her come, hoping it wasn't too early still. Ryan told her about the hot water situation and she advised him to start heating water on the stove because she didn't want to risk the tub not being ready in time.

Jody arrived and I asked for her and got emotional. I told her I didn't want to do this and that the "stupid Hypnobabies" wasn't helping. She has had difficult homebirths herself and has been a great source of emotional support for me through the months of trying to conceive and then pregnancy. Her quiet and reassuring presence really helped me. Jody noticed that the contractions were still spaced out and short, even though they were strong, so she encouraged me to walk around to move things along. Then she switched places with Ryan and went into the living room to play with Audrey. Ryan was in and out of the bedroom with me, still trying to get the tub filled.

The midwife arrived at 6:15 pm and I asked her to check on the baby's heart rate since I hadn't felt movement for awhile. We had agreed during prenatal visits that unless there was an emergency I would take the lead on everything and ask her if I wanted any help. Otherwise she would just sit and observe. Baby's heart rate was 120-132 and she asked me what the position was. I had felt baby's back on the left side all day so I knew that at least she wasn't direct OP anymore. Ryan came into the room to stay and the midwife went into the kitchen to make the comfrey root tea and compresses to use during postpartum healing.

At about 6:30 pm I got into the tub, saying it would be ok if I had to get out later if labor slowed. I was still somewhat in denial about how fast labor was going, even though contractions were now strong, long, and close together. The water helped but the contractions were still really intense. I was having trouble relaxing through them and was vocalizing loudly. I decided to check my own cervix and was surprised to find only an anterior lip left. But this also made me mad because I knew that sometimes it takes quite a while for a lip to recede and I didn't want to be going through these intense contractions for much longer. I did feel that the baby had hair which was exciting. I told Ryan and he somewhat jokingly said he was jealous that I got to feel our baby's head and he couldn't.

Ryan was kneeling outside the tub by me, still trying to get me to eat. Then he started repeating after the Hypnobabies and that really ticked me off! I told him to shut up (typical transition!), that I was listening and relaxing as best I could. Later he said he was trying to help me focus, because I kept vocalizing loudly and appeared to be ignoring the hypnosis suggestions.

After every few contractions I would reach up to feel the progress of the lip of cervix. It didn't appear to be moving much. Contractions were still very intense and I felt like I was fighting my body instead of relaxing and letting it do what it needed to. After a particularly long one I said "I can't do this!" Ryan was quick to reassure me that I could and would do it. This was about 7 pm.

My body started pushing during contractions and I tried to relax through it, because I wanted to "breathe the baby out" and experience the fetal ejection reflex. But the urge to push was too strong and I also really wanted to be done. At about 7:08 pm I reached up to feel her head starting to crown and I breathed in relief "there you are baby!" I told Ryan to call everyone in - the midwife, Audrey, and Jody. Audrey was super excited and ran over to the floor beds to bounce around on them while saying "the baby is coming!" Jody called her over to the tub and Audrey asked "what's the red part?" referring to the bloody show in the water. I was deep in labor land and this didn't bother me but I was really glad that Jody was there to quietly explain things to her.

I didn't really experience the ring of fire with Audrey but I definitely did this time! I started out a contraction with vocalizing and then it quickly turned into me saying "ow ow ow ow!" I again tried to relax and breathe through it but that just wasn't happening. At 7:15 pm her head was out and with the next contraction I pushed out her body.

I immediately scooped her out of the water and became very emotional, crying and saying "Oh baby!" and "I did it!" I definitely felt the natural birth high which was amazing! When Audrey was born I just felt numb for awhile, probably due to exhaustion and hemorrhaging after the long labor. I had been imagining this baby's birth since before I got pregnant and it was so close to what I had hoped for. It was thrilling to have my long awaited dream become reality.

Moments after birth. My midwife is in the background preparing the bed for me when I'm ready.

A few minutes later I asked Audrey "should we see if it's a boy or a girl?" I opened the baby's legs and the three of us saw together that we had a baby girl! We had all thought it was a boy so this was a lovely surprise!

Finding out the gender

I stayed in the tub for a few minutes while Audrey bounced around excitedly on the bed saying "I have a sister! I'm a big sister!" Then I was ready to get out as my bottom was stinging (I knew I had tore again) and I wanted to snuggle my baby in my bed. We cut Audrey's cord after 15 minutes and I passed her to Ryan before getting out of the tub and into bed.  This time I really wanted to wait to cut the cord until after the placenta was out and I didn't want to pass the baby off to anyone for at least an hour. So Ryan helped me step out of the tub and climb into bed while I held the baby.

We all snuggled together in bed for awhile, then Audrey wanted to go play in the living room so Jody took her out. Baby latched with minimal assistance in the laid back position 20 minutes after birth and nursed for half an hour. I was having afterbirth pains that were fairly strong but nothing compared to labor. I had several remedies ready to use for the afterbirth pains but I never felt the need to use them; I just relaxed and breathed through the contractions.

One of the best parts of a homebirth: snuggling all together in your own bed!

First nursing

The placenta came about an hour after the birth and I was excited to look at it! I started doing placenta encapsulation after Audrey was born and I've seen a fair number of placentas now so it was neat to look at my own and have some idea of what I was looking at.

Healthy baby attached to a healthy placenta! Notice how white the cord is; she's gotten her full blood supply.

I put on our fall themed cord tie and then Ryan and Audrey cut the cord together, about 1.5 hours after the birth. After the midwife examined the placenta Jody took it into the kitchen to prep it for placenta smoothies. (I plan to talk more about this in my next post about my baby moon, but wow I really loved the smoothies!)

Ryan and Audrey each held the baby for the first time and then she came back to me for more nursing. The midwife did the newborn exam 2 hours after birth. She was 7 lbs, 20 in long, 13 in head and chest. Then my midwife checked my tear and I did indeed have a second degree tear but not as bad as my tear with Audrey. My next post will talk about how I heal tears naturally, without stitches.

Shortly afterwards, the midwife and Jody left and our new family of 4 got ready for bed! My midwife was wonderful. It was very empowering that she trusted me, trusted birth, and fully supported my request to sit back and observe unless there was an emergency. And Jody was the best sibling doula in addition to many other things she did, including take these pictures and a video of the birth and prepare the placenta for smoothies.

I still can't believe that I got my dream birth! Of course it would have been nice not to tear and to have a pain free birth, but all of the important things I was hoping for happened. And I'm still on that natural birth high!